My head is a crazy place and while it provides incredible thoughts, it also has the ability to create a very scary environment as well. I think we all have a little anxiety in us. I, for one, will be the first to admit that anxiety is a real struggle for me. I’ve always had a pinch of it, but never really realized how bad it was or better yet had a name for what it was until Covid hit. I began to realize it was changing who I was. What a horrible feeling. I hung on too tightly to those I loved, I was in constant fear of losing people from my life and I thought the worst case scenarios of those who showed me nothing but how great they were. I’ve experienced panic attacks, lashed out in frustration, hibernated in my bedroom and even stopped eating. I hated what it was turning me into and what it was making me for those that I love. I say all of this in past tense, but to be honest, I’m still fighting the good fight with it. I’m learning how to spin those negative plot twists that plague my mind. I’m learning to understand that I am loved exactly how I am. I’m learning that regardless of what shit storm I might present, I’m worth the fight. It’s incredibly hard to feel like you are losing control and the feeling you get when all you see is clouds when normally you see all the rainbows is something I could never explain. While anxiety is a small piece of who I am, it can sometimes feel like it's taking up a huge piece of my world.
I share my story because someone out there is thinking they are failing as a human because they too experience these same feelings. I want you to know that you are not failing one bit. Your mind and your thoughts, even though both can be disturbing, are both still beautiful. You, no matter what storm you are walking through, are worth the time, patience and understanding of those you love and deserve to be walked alongside. You bring the light, even when you feel your darkest. And regardless of how “not you” you feel, someone is always looking for you in their days.
There are a lot of exercises, treatments and ways to help ease the onset of anxiety, but I think one of the most important ways is to surround yourself with those that love you. Those humans who can reassure you that everything is going to be okay. Those humans that will talk you off the ledge. Those humans that will remind you of who you are and what you bring, when you forget it all. I’ve been surrounded by countless humans that have shown me time and time again that even though I don’t feel lovable sometimes, I’m more loved than I could ever imagine. Isn’t that a beautiful thing, we aren’t required to be perfect to be loved, we are loved imperfectly.
Anxiety and mental health needs to be talked about more. It is my hope that in doing so, we can all understand that the struggles we all deal with are not a sign of weakness, but an act of being human. That we don't have to fight the battles alone. That when we are brave enough to ask for help and let people in, we have a whole army behind us to conquer whatever it is that we are battling. Isn't it amazing to think that when someone is struggling, they don't have to hide behind closed doors, keep the scariness trapped inside, but can be greeted with open arms and someone saying..."I understand, I have been there too." Normalize the hard conversations and the complicated feelings...normalize it's okay, not to be okay. There is someone right now struggling, too scared to ask for help, consumed by fear of not being enough and who thinks that life would be better without them. Maybe if we kept the dialogue in constant motion, we could change a mind, maybe we could even save a life.
1...2...3...Jump!
My name is Kelly and I start things and don’t always follow through with their completion. This was the thought that was going through my head as I was walking from room to room, in my home, collecting all of the books I have started and sadly have yet to complete. After a quick count, I had SEVEN…SEVEN (said in my best Monica Gellar voice):
Of course this sent me down a spiral of thoughts as to why we as humans start things, but after awhile the motivation to complete these items start to fizzle out. Of course book reading is very minimal in comparison to those bigger life goals, but I believe sometimes the answer to our lack of ambition no matter how small the task may be, provides bigger answers to what may stop us from reaching our dreams.
I think the biggest thing that stops us from reaching whatever it is that we want to reach is the fear of failure. We are so afraid of letting those around us down and not living up to the expectations we set up in our own minds, that those items we want to tackle lay stag-net. It’s a heck of a lot easier to keep saying “I want to be the best underwater basket weaver there ever was!…then to say “I tried being an underwater basket weaver and you know what, I’m not really good at it.”. So we keep showing up to the same shitty job, keep being miserable, keep putting up with less than we deserve because it’s easier than trying and coming up short.
But what if we succeeded? What if we jumped with both feet and learned we could fly? What if we jumped with both feet, fell and while it didn’t land us on the level we were anticipating, landed us to a level we never expected? What if in the trying, we floundered and it unlocked hidden potential we knew nothing about? What if we put ourselves out there, failed miserably, looked around and we’re greeted by amazing humans that we’re proud of us anyways?
We’re always going to hold questions of “What if?”, and unfortunately those “What ifs?” are usually spinning in the negative direction, but honestly “what if” we changed the narrative and turned it into, “Let’s give it a try and see what happens!”. I think our heart is a happier place when we put ourselves out there and try, instead of being bogged down by the “I should haves”. We get out of life what we put into it and while it’s always hard to jump into the unknown, the dreams we are waiting to conquer and the abilities we have yet to unlock are waiting for us to take that first step.
So what’s holding you back from becoming everything you ever wanted to be? Take a look around. The coffee cup you’re using. The shoes you’re wearing. The car you’re driving. Those were all brought to you by someone who was scared of failing, but tried anyways! Go. Jump. Be everything you were destined to be. Be scared, but do it anyways. Maybe, just maybe you have something in you to change the world. Well, you already do by just being you, but maybe by reaching for your dreams no matter where it lands you, you’ll be reminded of all the magic you hold! I guarantee someone has already believed you were destined for greatness, maybe it’s time to believe it too…1…2…3…JUMP!
Rainbow Treasures
Ear Candy
Omgoodness, I am so excited, I had people send me music last week after they seen my blog! YES! Keep sending me all the music, it seriously makes me the happiest! This has been on constant repeat this week! A little reminder that we are all healing! Take a listen and enjoy!
Come Back So Soon
I know, I know you're thinking you can't feature these two again already, buuuutttt this episode is so good and very much in line with the anxiety conversation. Not to mention, when I featured it on my Snapstory, a number of people screenshotted it, so I knew it was something that others could relate to...so yep, bringing these girls back. A little funny, a little serious, still like two long lost friends. They are a nice retreat when I want to get out of my head! I hope it has some useful items for you as well!
Tik Tok...wait, what day is it?
Full disclaimer: I don't go on Tok Tok very often because it takes me down a number of rabbit holes and the next thing I know, bam! three hours have passed and I've accomplished nothing but maybe a move or two of Walker Hayes "Fancy Like Me" dance...if you know, you know. Anyways...this is one of my favorite Pyschologists that I follow. His spin on anxiety and most anything really is always enlightening.
Rainbow Chaser
I hope today that you danced in the beauty of life. I hope you were shown all the incredible you are and all the incredible you bring to those around you. I hope that when you woke up and when you laid down to rest, that you felt more love than you ever thought you could. I hope you took a look in the mirror and saw a beautiful soul looking back. I hope, even if you forgot how to shine, that someone was there to shine for you. Above all, I hope that you remembered today, that life would not be the same if you weren't here and if you felt an inkling of letting go, that you found the strength within you to keep holding on! YOU MATTER!
Be Kind. Be Love. Be You.
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