I have a friend that often times texts me "How full is your bucket today?" I appreciate this question because it's a better reframe of the standard question "How are you today?" It actually makes me think about how I actually am and what it is that I might have to give to others. For those of you that may be new to this phrase, it's essentially how happy are you (hahaha...cool thanks Shea)? Depending on how full your bucket is, the happier you are and the more that you have to pass onto those that might need it. I would describe "my bucket" on any given day as almost running over with multiple pin holes in it. While often times I like to view the world with a Rainbows and Sunshine filter, the gremlins in my head sometimes like to drain my bucket to almost full depletion and the color around me and within me fade.
This year has been a complicated one. I have lost more than I care to think about and it has required me to level up in a way I didn't think that I was capable of. Every time I would fill my bucket up, something would be there just as fast to drain it, leaving me to not only question myself, but to also ask what (in blunt terms) the ACTUAL FUCK!?! I have lost faith in a lot of things this year and for a normally positive human, that has been a very frustrating feeling. For the first time in my life, I had to think about what it would take to fill my bucket and if it was ever going to be full again.
If I heard it once, I heard it a million times; happiness comes from within (said in my best Yoda voice). Gross. Even typing that, I roll my eyes and cringe at the thought. The giver in me couldn't wrap my head around this concept. And not just the giver in me, the I love my humans in my life and I could never give myself what they give me thoughts consumed my head. I am not a "selfish" person and I felt to achieve this "happiness from within" I was going to have to become just that. I slowly learned that was far from the truth. There is a way to love yourself and unlock the best you in a humbling way. That I can love who I am and also still be able to give the same love to all of those in my life. The beauty in this new adventure is that I am learning that I actually have a more "stable" platform to give that love from. Oh, don't worry, I still have a long way to go with this self love journey, but my bucket for the most part is staying pretty consistent. Some days it even runs over, in a good way...no pin holes!
While this year is not going down as my favorite by any means and it has definitely broken me far beyond what I thought I ever deserved, it has allowed me to chase some dreams, crush some goals and has taught me that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I will never say that I can make it on my own. I have a full hype crew behind me that is constantly there to dry my tears, pick me up, offer to sit under a bridge with me, love me through my crazy and who also make me laugh even when I don't want to. They see my worth, even when I lose my light and they not only allow me to fall apart, but they push me to dig deeper into who it is that I am.
We tell stories in our heads about who we are. Those stories aren't an accurate depiction of our true character. We tarnish and pick apart those things that we don't like. Our "self filter" is blurred, cracked and very distorted. We need humans that are patient with us and continue to show us who we are through their filter. It's the filter of those that love us where we can see our truest and most amazing qualities. It takes the right humans to continually show us and ultimately make us believe in who we are. I don't ever wish negative experiences on anyone, but unfortunately this is life and those awful situations are just a part of it. What I will wish for you though is the support of amazing humans, the courage to find your happiness within and the ability to love yourself like you do others. We all deserve that!
Soooo, I ask you..."How full is your bucket today?"...is it filled enough to give to others? ...Do you need others to pour from their's?...Maybe, just maybe it requires you to do some soul seeking of your own and find that treasure chest full of happiness locked within.
💜💙💕
EAR CANDY
Keeping up with the self love theme and since David Archuleta has won my heart in several different ways, this is my blog dedication to anyone who is here reading this! Remember our mistakes don't define who we are and at any point we can alter who it is that we want to be! Take a listen, I hope that it moves you as much as it moved me.
You Got to Be Shittin' Me
I don't know if you have heard, but We're FAMOUS! We have earned $2.00 and 18 devoted listeners and we are already fighting about how we are going to divide the money up, not the listeners! I might just buy out their share and retire from the industry! Just kidding BRENDA!!! Haha! But am I??!! Anyways if you would like to listen to three humans talk about nothing and giggle the whole time...take a listen to our podcast!!! (I was forced to put this in my blog because Brenda aka Brina says that she loves me, but I know it would be tested if I didn't include it here). You can find us on Tik Tok and Instagram too! Brina's really good at funny videos and always making us do stupid things for content.
Progressive Rainbows
Shameless or not so shameless plug. If you do enjoy my blog and want some more deep thoughts from me, I have a new InstaGram account...ProgressiveRainbows. This is what I hope to be my future business name, but until then, some deep thinking and randomness! Scan the code for access or search it on IG, whatever works!! I'd love your follow!
The Beach Told Me To
Last weekend I started a new chapter in my life. I started my LifeCoaching certification!! I must say it was one of the best experiences I have ever had. For the first time, as an adult, I felt like I was right where I was supposed to be. I won't talk a lot about it right now because it is something I am still savoring and processing, but what I learned about myself and the confidence that came over me is not anything I could ever put into words.
This will not be an easy task at all and it is challenging me to think in a different way, but if I learned anything this year, it is that those things that challenge us the most deserve the most of us. I have never grown from those things that come easy, while they might be fun at the time and required little effort from me, they gave me no substance. It is like eating cake for every meal, while that may be good, it will never fuel your body in the way that it deserves and will most likely not give you the strength that you need.
The reason that I put this in my blog is two fold: one, when we broke out into rooms last week, we were to come up with ways that we were going to get ourselves to our professional goals and I know that in order to get to my professional goal, I need to put more into myself. My blog being one of those areas. And two, it's never too late to chase your dreams. I have dedicated a huge amount of my life being all the titles that I am; Mom, Wife, Daughter, Employee, Co-Worker, etc. Somewhere along the line being all of those things, I lost who I was. I forgot about the title of Me. Yes, my children are still the lights of my life and the other titles I carry are still important, but it's time for me to focus on what I want to do and where I want to go with my career and also my life.
I have been one of the biggest cheerleaders for all of those around me and while I continue to do that, I will also add myself to the mix. After all, "You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true."...two years ago I thought about the idea of being a LifeCoach...and then I laughed it off as a terrible idea not because of how I felt, but because of how I thought other's would view it. This last April laying on a beach, watching the waves come and go, I took a minute to look at my phone, multiple things came up on social media and my email advertising LifeCoaching opportunities. I hadn't mentioned or thought of it in two years. Not thinking anything of it, it kept circling back to my plate in one way or another. I am a big believer in signs and signs were everywhere.
It's really hard for me to "Trust the Process"...I am a bit independent and like to take my own actions, but here I am trusting the process and believing that between the signs and my actions, that it will put me right where I am destined to be. One of my biggest take aways from last weekend was, we don't have to wait to reach our goals to be happy, the true lesson is learning to be happy right where you are at! Hmmm...maybe, just maybe the Universe knows exactly what it is doing. The beach got me to follow my dreams, I like to believe that my dreams will get me to the beach. Nothing, at this point, is out of the question!
Be Kind. Be Love. Be You.
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