This year has been a challenging year for me; physically, mentally and spiritually. To say that I am emotionally exhausted would be an understatment, but as they say when the eyes are filled with sorrow, we learn more what to focus on for tomorrow. Haha. Maybe I just made that up, but it's pretty good huh? One pat on the shoulder, one hand continuing on with the point...
For anything in life (relationships, work, exercise, etc.) for all of those areas that we truly value and want to keep progressing forward with, we have to consistently put in the time, dedication and hardwork every single day. There's only so much time in the day, so figuring out how we want to spend our energy on and which areas need the most focus on is something that is always a frustrating battle. As we advance on in life, those areas change and we start to understand the things that really matter and the things that...well...just don't matter as much. The human who was once a hard worker and gave everything they had to a job, might realize all the relationships they were giving up and decide to redirect focus. The human who gave their all to every single human they come in contact with might decide to only give their time to those few that truly deserve the most out of them. Time is a very precious gift that only us, as individuals, get to decide what to do with it and who and or what to give it to. Humans have always been a major priority in my life and whom I will choose to expend my time with over and over again. This year has amplified even further how incredibly precious a bond between two humans can be and how valuable the human connection is. Last night as I called one of my friends and she was laughing as she answered and said "Did you mean to call me? Is this a butt dial?" had me laughing hysterically because while I might be known as a "good friend", I am (unbeknownst to me) known as the friend who apparently never calls...hahaha...if I had a dime for every time I heard someone ask me "If I meant to call them"...well I'd have 30 cents...okay, so maybe I'm not good with the phone. That conversation had me thinking how incredible an impromptu phone call is to not only myself, but the person receiving it. While we may have only talked for a "hot minute" it filled my bubble more than I could ever describe and provided some much needed laughs. I won't ever go down as someone who gave their all to a job, while I am a good worker, my thoughts and energy are usually consumed by those who take up space in my heart. This year I realized more than ever that when I perish into the unknown I won't be remembered as the person who can crank out an Excel spreadsheet (while I am becoming quite good at them)...or the person who deadlifted 195 pounds that one time (still a great achievement)...but I will be remembered as the person who loved hard, made people feel like they mattered and are seen, a good friend, a good Mom (depends on which day you ask) and a pretty good human all around. I have never had a job save my life, but I have a pretty good army of humans who have collectively or individually rose to save mine. It's pretty cliche to say "life is short"...but the sad, hard fact is...that it truly is. So put the time, work and be consistent on those things you don't want to lose, maybe even surprise someone..."Yes, I did mean to call you.".
We all have an expiration date, but if we do it right our legacy will live on in those areas we dedicate our time to the most. I hope to forever live in my loved one's hearts. As they say "Life is what you make it. Make it beautiful."...I think they actually did say that, I don't think I made it up this time...hahaha!
Rainbow Treasures
My "Rainbow Treasures" is a little light this week because I had a lot of words, but music always speaks to my heart, so of course I had to include one good one.
Ear Candy
This song has been on repeat since I first heard it! We all struggle with our "imperfections" and wish that we were more, but we are all BEAUTIFUL in our own unique ways! The kids singing at the end of this just melts my heart! I hope this lands on your repeatable list as it did mine!
Rainbow Chaser
Love Yourself
When I started on the "Love Yourself" tour about seven years ago, I had no idea what was in store for me. I actually never really gave myself much thought before that. I just skated on through life, ebbing and flowing however I needed to...I was in a sense, "just existing". I lost a significant amount of weight and started to realize that I was more broken on the inside than I ever thought possible. I learned that no matter what the scale said or how my clothes fit, that if I wasn't "whole" on the inside, what I looked like on the outside would never be enough. So I changed gyms and started strengthening from the inside, out. What's left out of the handbook of "What to Expect When Finding Yourself"...spoiler alert, there isn't really a handbook...but what they don't tell you about this whole "Love Yourself" journey is how often you circle the drain with the same issues and frustrations. That the lessons keep presenting themselves in different ways until you slowly and carefully build on them, conquer them and then eventually move onto the next level.
This year has had me circle the drain more than I would like and has actually left me in fear of flushing all the way down it and starting back at square one. What is cool about finding your true self and unlocking all of your greatness, is that there are no RULES! You can invent and reinvent yourself as many times as it takes. When you decide to "PIVOT" (said in my best Ross Gellar voice) you take with you the knowledge, experience and wisdom of your previous situations.
This week I decided to join Planet Fitness. High Vibe is MY gym, MY Happy Place and MY home away from home...the humans and the connections that are there are unmatched, but I realized that I was starting to let my "inner demons" get the best of me and I needed another outlet for those times when High Vibe wasn't accessible. I needed a place to get lost (figuratively and realistically..hahaha). I wanted to be able to put my music on, lift heavy things and just be "Me". I'm learning how to navigate my confidence and felt that going somewhere where I was forced to do things on my own, would allow me to not only grow as a human, but to become better at something I very much love, the gym. Day 1: was a bit of a shit show, I spent more time looking for equipment than I did working out. Day 2: I walked into the Men's locker room by mistake (reading is hard). Day 3: Someone wanted to be my friend (I don't want to make friends) and someone else went over about 20 humans before she landed on me to ask me where a machine was because apparently I looked like I had a clue. Day 4: I observed a lady working out in a dress and to say I was impressed is an understatement...also added that to my list of "Things to Never Do.". All in all I am really loving it and it's been a nice way to escape the never ending thoughts that haunt my head.
I weigh less than I have weighed in almost four years and while I know that the scale and how my clothes fit doesn't give a true picture of who I am, I am slowly piecing together what makes up me on the inside and all is starting to "snails pace" come together. I take "selfies" with no filter's more, I look at myself and see more good than bad and more often than not I remember who I am and all that I have to offer. So while I feel like I am not making progress, there are small signs that remind me that I am. I am living proof that progress isn't perfection, that every day we are constantly changing and evolving; whatever that may look like and life becomes scary and uncomfortable right before change is about to occur.
Keep being all that you are. Change, redirect, pause in whatever way that you need to, to unlock the very best of you. There are no instructions, directions or how to's on the best way to succeed at loving yourself and finding out all your greatness. There's just a lot of hardwork, a whole lot of hope and a constant reminder to never give up. You are perfect just the way that you are, but the challenge is in believing in those words and better yet, believing in you.
Be Kind. Be Love. Be You.
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